Archives for posts with tag: discernment

A theological reflection on saving a Christian college campus.

I am home now. As in, abandoned prairie dreams to come back to the Pacific Northwest with its layers of mountains and hills, moody shifts in grey hues, waterlogged air, and the smell of low tide. It is fortunate that I can complete my research away from school at this point, and even tailor it to this region. The thought of learning Chicago watersheds for my studies in baptism felt daunting.

Coming home has its share of mixed feelings, particularly when my memory is taxed with recalling what ‘used to be’ on that corner instead of the shiny tall thing that looms overhead. So, when I saw the article in the local news about an old Bible school coming due for demolition, I started reading closely. Sure enough, I remembered the place–vaguely, but well enough.

I can’t remember if it was a vacation Bible school, or simply a weekend retreat that took me to the Lutheran Bible Institute in Issaquah, but I remember her. Her name was similar to mine, Kirstin, she had straight, blonde hair, and she sang in the a cappella music group at the Bible school. I remember feeling so enamored with her, like she could be my big sister. We may have even exchanged a few letters as pen pals. I remember, too, the buildings that felt a little old, but in that vertical NW, mod quirky kind of way. At that time, about the only difference I knew existed between the Lutherans and Presbyterians (such as I was), had to do with the color robes their clergy wore on Sundays. Yet I would have signed up to go to LBI in a heartbeat; especially if it meant singing alongside my new friend such lyric hits as, “It’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. / Faith without works…”

Perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising that one of the local megachurches owns the property now, and that they have an interest in selling it. But in a region with few religious landmarks, the thought of losing a 1960s chapel and school with a unique history (the Lutherans bought it from the Catholics) is dispiriting. Surely another religious organization would think so, too? Or is a generic evangelical church focused on being young and relevant simply deaf to any cries of history or tradition? I wonder, then, if this isn’t a case of good old North American pragmatism. The church is not a building, it is wherever two or more are gathered in the name of Jesus Christ–so goes the logic.

Shouldn’t a place where the broken, risen body of Christ has been shared, given and communed across time and denominations mean something?

For nearly ten years I worshiped in a space that was built by the Methodists, then occupied by a brewery, a disco, the Baptists, and some other commercial interests during its 100+ year history (not to mention squirrels and other critters in the attic). Houses of worship that have been around for a while feel different. There is a kind of spatial patina that can rub off on unsuspecting visitors, enriching the music, the prayers, the communion of saints. At times in church, I could sense the hopes and desires of past parishioners. My great-grandparents never worshiped there, but someone’s did.

The Providence Heights space is unique as a theological school, first for nuns, then for Lutheran women and men. Let me repeat that: the school was built to educate women first. It may be tempting to be dismissive of a training school for Catholic nuns, but considering how difficult it still is–globally speaking–for women to receive any kind of dedicated theological education, let’s just say this is significant. While the chapel was not a community church per se, it served as a basin for the missio Dei, and a nest from which hopeful young Christians followed the call of the Spirit to the world.

Surely, a fellow religious organization such as City Church, with its focus on developing relevant leaders for the world, would understand such a history?

At a time when property values are soaring out of reach, churches are shrinking, and decisions for survival must be made on a purely economic basis, does City Church (or any church) have a responsibility to history or tradition? What does it look like to honor the people who have gone before in particular places; who have celebrated the Lord’s supper, and proclaimed his death and resurrection in these walls? This week of Pentecost, I pray for a creative solution for the people of Issaquah, for City Church, and the Providence Heights campus. Come, Holy Spirit, and breathe new life.

What is the next faithful step? I learned this question in a Christian Formation class. It works great when faced with other people’s difficult situations, decision points, or relationship issues. However, trying to follow a method when faced with my own fork in the road seems nearly impossible. Instead, feeling blind and mute I simply look for the next breadcrumb in the dirt.

The discernment process has come to feel like a slowly meted waltz attempted by two left feet. First one awkward fumble to the left, a stumbling recovery to the right, only to nearly fall backwards and start over again. St. Ignatius of Loyola would not recognize this for a spiritual discipline, that’s for certain. Yet, somehow, over the course of weeks and months, something akin to a path emerges from the deep wood of questions and uncertainties. And along that path there are traces of God’s being there.

I don’t want to paint a picture of God as a stingy, grumpy old coot who chooses to tell us what we want to know when he damn well feels like it. On this side of things, that’s how it feels, but I know that is not and cannot be true. A quick word search in Scripture for “Lord” and “delight” shows quite the opposite. Yet human nature tends to rush us towards a decision, towards a resolution, towards figuring something out. We crave certainty with sisyphean futility.

IMGP0416The funny thing about wanting to know how things are going to turn out is that we have a set image in our mind of what the resolution point looks like. But we cannot know some of the implications or even consequences of our desires. We know that to say ‘yes’ to one thing is an implicit ‘no’ to another. On a small scale, to choose to exercise for 30 minutes in the morning means that 30 minutes isn’t spent doing something else. Blazing flash of the obvious. But that level of simplicity only happens when I’m deciding something for myself. The discernment that goes into following a path is a more complex response to variables. That’s where I myself tend to get stuck in the mud. I like to think things through and come to understand a number of possibilities. But then suddenly I’m deciding the outcome of a scenario if/when I think it’s going to be too difficult, or that the probability of being accepted somewhere is too low. That’s where I am now: carefully tracing the map to arrive at a PhD in Systematic Theology, noting the pits of quicksand, safety hazards and dead ends.

But the next faithful step is simply that: a step. Sure, life is a highway, but when in the deep woods of transition and uncertainty and change while we may have an image of where we’re going (which is important), finding the next place to set our left foot is all that’s required. Collecting maps is great fun. It stirs our imagination to meditate on the buildings and people and breads and cheeses found in faraway places. If we actually want to get to those faraway places, though, sometimes we have to chuck the map and start looking for breadcrumbs.